Well, the clock has finally turned. It’s 2012. Can you believe it? We’re now in the teens of the new millennium, the roaring tens, whatever you want to call it.
And at the beginning of every year, you’re resolution-based. That’s what we do. You utter a ton of drunken resolutions on New Year’s Eve to your buddies, saying, “This year is going to be the best year! This year I’m going to get laid more! This year I’m going to work harder! This year I’m going to make more money! This year I’m going to meet more women! This is the year I’m going to meet somebody special!”
You play the game of “this year”: “This year it’s going to happen,” and This year I can finally become the man I’ve always wanted to be!”
Here’s the question: When it comes down to dating, are these resolutions realistic? Let’s look at the reality of your life. Let’s take a look back to last year, when the clock struck 2011.
What were your resolutions like? Did you play a lot of “this year”? Did you promise yourself that you would pursue more women? Did you promise yourself that you would be more outgoing? Did you promise yourself you would approach women and ask them out more often? Did you promise yourself all of these things, including working out, making more money and eating healthier?
You need to look back at your “this year” and the promises you made yourself in 2011 and ask yourself right now, “What did I really accomplish? What really changed in my life?”
Were you able to make good on any of your resolutions? Forget about just the dating resolution — were you able to make good on any resolutions at all? Most people get overwhelmed because theirs are just unrealistic.
For instance, you’re a guy who doesn’t get a lot of dates. So all of a sudden on New Year’s, your resolution is to have one date per week. Last year you went on three dates. Are you realistically going to increase from 3 to 52? You don’t even look at the percentages. Most resolutions, especially dating resolutions, are unrealistic because you’re not looking at the core of what you need to work on. You’re not looking at the reasons behind why you’re not meeting women and tting the dates. And all you’re doing is trying to fill yourself up with hot air and hoopla.
Look, positive self-talk is fantastic. It’s empowering. But, unfortunately, a lot of times it’s just not realistic. Most people don’t understand the small steps that are necessary to get these goals accomplished. If you want to go out there and date 40 new women this year, or you want to get a girlfriend this year, you’ve got to find a way to go out there and actually meet women every single day. They just won’t magically appear. If you’re not great at conversation, if you’re not great at talking to women, nothing is magically going to change for you.
So, if you’re serious about making these resolutions come to life, you need to take a look at what your dating resolution is, and then you need to figure out what steps you are going to take in order to get there.
You need to start taking the necessary steps to become a more social person.” Tweet This Quote
You need to go out and meet women every single day. So what if your lifestyle isn’t conducive to meeting women every day? Or maybe you can meet them, but talking to them is not your strong point? You need to find something — a book, find a coach or a mentor — who can guide you in the right direction.
You need to start taking the necessary steps to become a more social person. If you have a fear or an anxiety when you talk to women, you need to find ways to overcome those anxieties. Resolutions are great, but you’ve got to break them down and take all the necessary steps to make the resolution happens for you. Sure, most guys want to make a lot more money, most guys want to lose a little weight, and I know a ton of you guys want to get laid more and meet more women. But the only way to do any of that stuff is to take the small steps toward your goal.
In my 15 years of coaching men, I’ve always emphasized the small steps. If a guy is painfully shy, of course he’s going to always ask (or his resolution is always going to be) how to meet more women or get more dates. But in order to stop being shy, you’ve got to start opening up and talking to everybody. You’ve got to start saying hello to people on the street. You’ve got to start engaging women in conversation. You’ve got to go up and approach women. You’ve got to start asking them out. And, yes, you’ve got to start getting rejected and being OK with it, because all of this is what gets you more dates. So, look at your dating resolutions and ask yourself this question: What small steps do I need to take in order to get that big resolution accomplished?
You’ve got a clean slate this year. The problem is, all your past problems are also coming into the new year with you. Those didn’t stay behind. Your attitude, your learned behaviors, your past experiences — everything about you is coming into the new year with you. It’s time to take the small steps in order to get your resolutions handled.
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